LIBRARY: Cultural References in Poetry    

Joni Mitchell Can Bite My Ass

by Curtis Meyer   (2006)  


Joni Mitchell Can Bite My Ass
Copyright © 2006 By Curtis Meyer

Parking at The University of Central Florida
For lack of superior eloquence
Is a bitch

Will someone please explain to me
Why I have to leave my house
And drive 20 minutes
For a class I won't have
For two hours?

I know this

Muggy
Humid
Mosquito-infested
Backwards-ass
State

Is supposed to be
Someone's idea of "Paradise"

But seriously, the last thing we need
Is another parking lot

Or better yet
How about we actually pay to have
More parking installed on campus

Instead
Of spending students' tax dollars
To support building a new stadium for a football team
No one cares about

That hasn't won a game since&

Nevertheless

Right now
Joni Mitchell
Can bite my ass

In fact, let's call this poem

"Joni Mitchell Can Bite My Ass"

I've been on campus for 10 minutes
And I've been driving
Outside the Communications building
For seven of them

Having not eaten today
I was thinking I was smart
For going through the drive-thru at Taco Bell

Then wolfing down meat, tortilla and cheese
And a soft drink
In the tradition of my father

The master at one-handed
Eat-on-the-go
Driving

But now

The two chalupas
One soft taco
A one hard shell taco crunch wrap

Are starting to bubble
In my stomach with volcanic tension

10 minutes becomes 15

The only thing worse
Than being followed by jackasses
Who trail behind students on their way to class, asking
"Are you leaving?" with their windows rolled down

Is becoming one of them

Their vehicles turn corners like sharks
They pace slowly behind pedestrians and sorority girls
Like giant monitor lizards

Hulking dinosaurs
Waiting for wounded prey
To collapse

I begin to scout behind parked cars
For spaces without a shadow on the ground
A tip I picked up from an ex-girlfriend

"Fuck!" (A motorcycle)

"Damn it!" (A Honda)

"Fer fuck's sakes!" (Another motorcycle)

I finally find a parking space
The pickup next to me
Is all sorts of over the line

I have to do my best Indiana Jones impression
Squeezing between my door
And the truck's passenger side
Just to get out

I make it out of my car
Speed-walk my way
To the nearest restroom
I don't so much shit
As lay an egg

Hours later
I'm out of class
And return to my car

A yellow sheet
Flaps in the wind
From beneath my windshield wiper

It's a parking ticket
For a decal that expired
Yesterday

Parking at UCF

Truly

Is a beast that eats its young



Browse Cultural References 

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Books (115 references)

» A & R by Bill Flanagan
» About a Boy by Nick Hornby
» American Purgatorio: A Novel by John Haskell
» Anything Goes by Madison Smartt Bell
» Apprentice to the Flower Poet Z: A Novel by Debra  Weinstein
» The Arrival of Fergal Flynn by Brian Kennedy
» The Association by Bentley Little
» Bang! by A Collaboration 
» Barlett's Familiar Quotations by Justin John/Kaplan Bartlett
» The Beautiful Room is Empty by Edmund White
» The Biography: Kate Bush by Rob Jovanovic
» Blackbird by Larry Duplechan
» The Body: A Novel by Hanif  Kureishi
» Both Sides Now: Ecclesiastes and the Human Condition by Peter Barnes
» Break, Blow, Burn: Camille Paglia Reads Forty-Three of the World's Best Poems by Camille Paglia
» Catching Heaven by Sands Hall
» Chain of Hearts by Maureen McCarthy
» City of Glass: Douglas Coupland's Vancouver by Douglas Coupland
» The Cloudspotter's Guide by Gavin Pretor-Pinney
» Come in from the Cold by Marsha  Qualey
» The Complaints by Ian Rankin
» Consumption: A Novel by G.S. Johnston
» Coyote by Lynn Vannucci
» The Dark-Eyed Girls by Judith Lennox
» Demonology by Rick Moody
» Dig Infinity! The Life and Art of Lord Buckley by Oliver Trager
» Dress Your Family in Corduroy and Denim by David Sedaris
» The Drifters by James A. Michener
» Economy of Errors: SatireWire Gives Business the Business by Andrew Marlatt
» Eight Days A Week by Larry Duplechan
» Emotionally Weird by Kate Atkinson
» Engleby: A Novel by Sebastian  Faulks
» Essays In Love by Alain de Botton
» Everything You Know by Zoe Heller
» Fight Club , A Novel by Chuck Palahniuk
» A Firing Offence by David  Ignatius
» The First Paper Girl in Red Oak, Iowa by Elizabeth Stuckey-French
» Flight: A Celebration of 100 Years in Art and Literature by Anne Colli Goodyear
» Forgive the Moon by Maryanne Stahl
» Fraud by David Rakoff
» Friction Shifting by Daniel   Wesolowski
» Fury: A Novel by Salman  Rushdie
» The Good People of New York by Thisbe Nissen
» The Heart Has Reasons: Holocaust Rescuers and Their Stories of Courage by Mark Klempner
» Hearts in Atlantis by Stephen King
» High Fidelity by Nick Hornby
» The Hindenburg Crashes Nightly by Greg Hrbek
» The Hissing Of The Silent Lonely Room by Paul Charles
» A Home at the End of the World  by Michael Cunningham
» Home Fires: An Intimate Portrait of One Middle-Class Family in Postwar America by Donald Katz
» The Hour I First Believed by Wally Lamb
» How to Sleep Alone in a King-Size Bed: A Memoir of Starting Over  by Theo Pauline Nestor
» Howl: A Collection of the Best Contemporary Dog Wit  by Bark Editors
» I, Lucifer by Glen Duncan
» Icarus by Russell Andrews
» In the City of Shy Hunters  by Tom Spanbauer
» Inconceivable by Ben Elton
» Intimate Nights: The Golden Age of New York Cabaret  by James Gavin
» IPod, Therefore I Am by Dylan M.  Jones
» Izzy and Eve by Neil Drinnan
» Kalki by Gore Vidal
» Killer Cocktail (A Molly Forrester Novel) by Sheryl J. Anderson
» Kiss the Sunset Pig by Laurie Gough
» Lawnboy by Paul Lisicky
» Looking Back by Thomas A. Becker
» Love Me by Garrison  Keillor
» Lucky You by Carl Hiaasen
» Men May Come and Men May Go, But I've Still Got My Little Pink Raincoat: Life and Love In and Out of My Wardrobe by Gigi Anders
» Mercy by Jodi Picoult
» Mothers Are Dangerous With Knives (Moeders zijn gevaarlijk met messen) by Do van Ranst
» Murder at Cleaver Stadium by Douglas Lee Gibboney
» My Life by Bill  Clinton
» My Sister from the Black Lagoon: A Novel of My Life by Laurie Fox
» The Mysteries of Pittsburgh by Michael Chabon
» No Touch Monkey! (And other travel lessons learned too late) by Ayun Halliday
» The Official Preppy Handbook by Lisa Birnbach
» On the Road with Bob Dylan: Rolling with the Thunder by Larry Sloman
» One Day by David Nicholls
» Oranges Are Not The Only Fruit by Jeanette Winterson
» Other People's Dirt: A Housecleaner's Curious Adventures by Louise Rafkin
» Our Dumb Century: The Onion Presents 100 Years of Headlines from America's Finest News Source by Scott Dikkers and Staff of the Onion
» Paving Paradise by Craig Pittman and  Matthew Waite
» A Prayer for Owen Meany by John Irving
» Prince: Life and Times by Jason Draper
» Prozac Nation: Young and Depressed in America: A Memoir by Elizabeth Wurtzel
» The Pull of the Moon by Elizabeth  Berg
» The Quality of Life Report by Meghan  Daum
» Rapunzel: A Groovy Fairy Tale by Lynn Roberts
» Rhymes with Useless by Terence Young
» The Ruins of California by Martha Sherrill
» A Salty Piece of Land by Jimmy Buffet
» Salvo el Crepúsculo by Julio Cortázar
» The Science of Discworld by Terry Pratchett, et al
» Seafood Lover's Guide by Rick Stein
» Sensing Others by Frank Tallis
» Shadow of the Dolls by Jacqueline Susann,  Ray Lawrence
» Shadow Tag: A Novel by Louis Erdich
» Shanghai Baby by Wei Hui
» She's Come Undone by Wally Lamb
» The Silk Road by Jane  Summer
» Sky Full of Ribbons by Marilyn Arnold
» Spadework by Timothy Findley
» Speaking with the Angel by Various Writers
» The Stand by Stephen King
» Take Another Little Piece of My Heart: A Groupie Grows Up by Pamela Des Barres
» Tea by Stacey D'Erasmo
» The Time Traveler's Wife by Audrey Niffenegger
» A Traitor to Memory by Elizabeth George
» True Enough by Stephen McCauley
» An Unfortunate Woman: A Journey  by Richard Brautigan
» Violets Are Blue by James Patterson
» Waist-high in the World: A Life Among the Nondisabled by Nancy  Mairs
» A Week in December by Sebastian Faulks
» Who Will Run the Frog Hospital? by Lorrie Moore
» The World's Room by Todd London

Films (46)

» 200 Cigarettes (1999)
» 9 1/2 Weeks (1986)
» After Hours (1985)
» Alice's Restaurant (1969)
» Almost Famous (2000)
» The Bridge (2006)
» The Brothers Bloom (2008)
» The Brothers McMullen (1995)
» Camp
» Changes (1969)
» City of Ghosts (2003)
» The Commitments (1991)
» DIVA (1981)
» Down To You (2000)
» Elizabethtown
» Fight Club (1999)
» Foxes (1980)
» Get Over It  (2000)
» Grace of My Heart (1996)
» High Fidelity (2000)
» Hustler White (1996)
» Into The Wild (2007)
» Just Wright (2010)
» The Kids Are All Right (2010)
» Laurel Canyon (2003)
» Life As a House (2001)
» Live Nude Girls (1995)
» Love, Actually (2003)
» Married to It (1991)
» Midnight Cowboy (1969)
» Out of Sight (1998)
» Practical Magic (1998)
» Songcatcher (1999)
» Starting Out in the Evening (2007)
» Still Crazy (1999)
» The Strawberry Statement (1970)
» Swing Vote (2008)
» Switch (1991)
» Tarnation (2003)
» Truly, Madly, Deeply (1991)
» Two Weeks Notice (2002)
» Under the Cherry Moon (2004)
» Vanilla Sky (2001)
» Waking the Dead (2000)
» A Walk on the Moon (1999)
» You've Got Mail (1998)

Television (97)

» The 70s (2002)
» Absolutely Fabulous
» Alias
» Alias (2002)
» Ally McBeal
» Ally McBeal (2000)
» As Told By Ginger
» The Brady Bunch
» Brothers and Sisters (2009)
» C-SPAN White House Meeting & Barangrill (2009)
» Canadian Idol (2004)
» Catterick
» Chicago Hope (1996)
» The Chris Isaac Show
» The Colbert Report (2006)
» The Colbert Report (2008)
» The Colbert Report (2008)
» Dawson's Creek
» Design by Surprise
» Dharma and Greg
» Dr. Phil
» Ellen (1997)
» Emmerdale
» ER
» ER (2002)
» Frasier
» General Hospital (2006)
» Gilmore Girls (2003)
» A Girl Thing
» Grandeur et décadence (1986)
» Guiding Light
» Hey Arnold! (2007)
» I'm Alan Partridge
» Jam and Jerusalem / Clatterford (2009)
» Jeff Buckley
» Jeopardy!
» Jeopardy!
» Just Shoot Me
» Kathy (2013)
» Late Night With Conan O'Brien (Quentin Tarantino) (2005)
» The Late Show with David Letteman
» The Late Show with David Letterman
» The Late Show with David Letterman (1986?)
» The Late Show with David Letterman (2000)
» The Late Show with David Letterman (2000)
» The Late Show with David Letterman (2000)
» The Late Show with David Letterman (2002)
» The Late Show with David Letterman (2002)
» Melrose Place
» Melrose Place
» Melrose Place
» Mercy (2010)
» My Family
» New Girl (2012)
» Nip/Tuck
» Northern Exposure
» Nurse Jackie (2010)
» Once and Again
» Oprah interviews Julia Roberts
» Providence (2002)
» Re:Covered (2002)
» Rose Parade coverage (2003)
» The Rosie O'Donnell Show  (2002)
» Saturday Night Live (2003)
» Second City TV
» Six Feet Under (2002)
» The Sopranos
» Southland (2009)
» Star Search
» Strangers with Candy
» Strangers With Candy
» The L-Word (2006)
» The Today Show (2005)
» The Wendy Williams Show (2013)
» Third Rock from the Sun
» thirtysomething (1987)
» thirtysomething (1987)
» thirtysomething (1989)
» Today Show interview with Mandy Moore
» The Tonight Show with Jay Leno (Goldie Hawn) (2002)
» The Tonight Show with Jay Leno (Louise Goffin) (2002)
» Tracey Takes On
» Two and a Half Men (2010)
» University Challenge
» The Vicar of Dibley
» Walk On By (2005)
» The Weakest Link  (2002)
» The West Wing (2004)
» When Hippies Ruled the World
» Who Wants to Be a Millionaire (2002)
» Will & Grace (2000)
» Will & Grace (2002)
» Without a Trace (2005)
» The Wonder Years
» The  Wonder Years
» The Wonder Years
» The Wonder Years (1992)

Plays (19)

Poetry (19)

» A Alejandra Pizarnik by Julio  Cortazar
» Bericht aan de reizigers by Ingmar Heytze
» For Joni by Kerry  Furber (Kezz)
» I Met A Woman In A Joni Mitchell Song by David Geary
» jammin' with joni by Terry 
» Joni Mitchell  by Joseph  Hutchinson
» Joni Mitchell Can Bite My Ass by Curtis Meyer
» Joni Mitchell, Coffee & the Rain by Carmina Gitana
» Learning the Hard Way by Jane McGuinness
» Libro de Manuel by Julio  Cortazar
» Lonely With Joni by Rebecca  Stang
» Pas de Deux from a Distance by Nora Maria Iancu
» Paved Paradise  by Heidi  Lerner
» Practical Water by Brenda Hillman
» Purr by James Servin
» Radical Sentimentality by James Sevin
» Somewhere in the Buddha Night by Lester Hirsh
» Upon hearing Joni Mitchell's Travelogue by Peter Tadd
» You Don't Know What You've Got . . . by Paula  Harris

Miscellaneous (75)

» 2nd Avenue Grill Drink  by Craig Silliphant
» Coyote Inspired Briefs & Bras by Marlies Dekkers
» My Old Man residing in Shangri-La
» A music store named Sharon in Maidstone
» Anna Quindlen column
» Ashley Judd in Reader's Digest interview
» Ben Whishaw: “I can’t write poetry. I’ve written love letters”
» A bench at Princeton
» A Bermuda tour boat narration
» Big Yellow Taxi - New Hampshire
» Big Yellow Taxi in a political column
» Bissell Commercial
» Capitol Steps Political Parody of Both Sides Now
» Cartoon in The New Yorker Magazine by Victoria  Roberts
» Celebrity Taboo - The Game Of Unspeakable Fun!
» CHUM-FM questionnaire
» Clean White Linen by Mark Aster
» Cloud Physics Course
» Coldwater Creek catalogue
» Desert Island Discs - Jack Vettriano
» Dirty Car Art
» Doonesbury by Gary  Trudeau
» Doonesbury by Gary  Trudeau
» Edie Falco in Watch! interview
» Esquire Magazine, July 2002 by Jeff Gordinier
» Extra-credit question for 5th grade students
» From a New Yorker article by Ian Frazier
» Graham Nash radio interview
» Guardian review of Partick McCabe book
» Hotel Isolabella OUR HOUSE Room - Trentino, Italy
» How Keith Richards Inspired Dr. Evil by Unknown 
» Jacksonville Transit Poster Art
» Joni mention on BBC Radio 4's Desert Island Disk
» Joni mention on high rotation TV commercial
» Joni-inspired painting names by Jack Vettriano
» Ken Bruce's BBC radio show
» Lafayette Electronics & Larry
» Lorrie Moore in Reader's Digest interview
» Mermaid Café in Nantucket
» Metro interview with Adrian Edmondson
» Motorsport Journalism - Formula One Diary by Simon  Arron
» My prom date, the spy by Lisa Zeidner
» National Lampoon parody
» National Lampoon/Bernie's column
» New South Wales Higher School Certificate Exam  by Unknown 
» The Night Before Christmas by Bob Muller
» Night Ride Home by Lindsay Stamhuis
» NPR science show promo
» Obama Town Hall Webcam by Reginald  Cunningham III
» A paper from War Resisters International Triennial Conference
» Parade Magazine Article by Bruce  Feiler
» Parody of Woodstock
» Peggy Baker Dance Projects
» PhillyBaseballNews.com column by Cole Hamels
» Pop The Question: The Ultimate Pop Trivia Quiz Card Game
» Postcard for Common Good Planning Center in Rochester, NY
» Prop O poster in Paradise, California
» Radio 4 program about natural foods
» The Reptile Garden by Louise Erdrich
» A Sacrifice for Friendship, Chapter 3 by DS  Bauden
» A Sacrifice for Friendship, Chapter 5 by DS  Bauden
» Salon.com political commentary
» Spaceship "Stardust" news story
» A Spray-painted cardboard sign
» Starbucks Calendar
» Stevie Nick's Moonlight Video & Wild Things Run Fast
» Summer music and drink suggestions
» The Laura Ingraham Show
» The Times of London interview with Brian Cox
» Tori Amos radio interview by Toyah Wilcox
» Tristam Shandy, A Cock and Bull Story by Steve Coogan
» Valentine's Day Editorial
» Whole Foods ad
» Windy City Media Group online interview of writer Paul Lisicky
» The Writer's Almanac by Garrison  Keillor

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